But somewhere along the way, I lost the desire to create. I grew up and allowed myself to be convinced that it was nonsensical to be an artist. I spent four years earning a degree in education only to abandon the profession altogether. Now that I am in a different career, I still yearn for that dream of being a working artist, but something holds me back. Sometimes, I feel like that feeling of regret, of not originally pursuing art in college, keeps me frozen with the fear of failure. I make small, incremental steps toward being an artist -- but what about the things I need to do that go beyond just creating art? You know, like promoting and actually selling my art, the not-so-creative-but-necessary part of it all? Sometimes the pressure of making it real makes me feel like a deer stuck in headlights. I know that I need to work on a plan and clarify what my goals really are. But where do I start?
I thought about these things when I traveled home to Swansboro last weekend to visit my sister and my mother for Mother's Day. (Sometimes a day with the ones you love can be the best medicine for what ails you.) While back in my hometown, I got to spend some quality time with my niece, Lennox, who will be turning two this July. Each time I see her, she becomes more and more independent, smart, and sassy -- exactly the kind of woman I want to be.
She's a take charge kind of gal, and, guess what? She loves to draw.
Watching Lennox take joy in drawing makes me think back to my childhood and how I felt when I would draw. Whatever Lennox chooses to do in life, I hope she chooses to follow her passion. And I know that there's still time for me to do the same.
Over the course of the next few months, I will be taking steps to reassess my goals so that I can be the kind of artist that I want to be. I'm excited about the journey and am glad that you will be a part of it.
"Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?"
- Frank Scully